Hello!

I am not sure how to start this post….

A few weeks ago, I found a local Chinese School that I phoned twice for information. The good news was that they had a new session starting Jan.30th. They explained that they had a class just right for Mara-Grace’s age of 4. It is geared for children whose primary language at home is not Chinese. They explained that the class would consist of learning the language by playing, songs and doing crafts etc. Excellent! We have been so excited to start this new experience and we have talked way up Mara’s Chinese school! Boy, were we all jazzed up and ready to go! I feel like we prepared Mara the best we could that we would bring her in to ‘school’ for her class at 1pm, stay a few minutes, and we would come back at 3 to pick her up. She seemed more than ready for this new adventure.

Saturday finally arrived and Mara-Grace wanted to wear a dress of course and her new Chinese bracelet. She was prancing with pride and excitement!

We arrived at class and met her teacher. There were a few chairs set up facing a chalk board. The Chinese school is held on the weekends in a local school.

We stayed a few minutes and Mara still seemed quite happy and didn’t seem upset at all. I felt she was prepared as best as possible, and we left her. It was so hard for me. I have never left her apart from with her big sister and my Mother. It was beyond difficult and I questioned leaving her etc. and felt like I had lost one of my limbs. But there she was, looking so excited about this! Somehow, that helped ease a bit of the heartache.

We hung around the halls (out of sight) for about 20 minutes and then left the building. We arrived back at 2:25 (class was out at 3) and we stood outside the classroom. Kev peaked in and said that he could see her, still sitting in the chair we left her in. Then, he told me that he could have sworn he just heard the teacher say very crossly that if one of the students didn’t listen, they wouldn’t be allowed to go home. WHAT?! It couldn’t have been. As I type, my heart is thundering thinking of what came next. I told Kev that if that is what he heard and I hear that I am barging in and taking Mara and I will NEVER take her back here again. It mustn’t have been correct. So we stood there listening. Then Kev says, “Oh no, Mara is standing there crying”. Oh my God. I took a step towards the window to look in when I heard and saw very clearly the teacher with Mara-Grace next to her pointing at a little boy. She said, “If you don’t pay attention, I will not let you go home. You will not be going home. You will have to stay here and not go home.” That was it. I barged (and I mean that literally) into the classroom and I immediately asked Mara-Grace if you was ok. She was sobbing. The teacher said, “She just missed you”. I was ready to yell but somehow I stayed calm. I said, I told Mara to come into the hallway with me. As I looked at my little girl, who was so very eager to come to this class, I felt my heart breaking. She was petrified. She was clinging to me and sobbing uncontrollably. I talked to her calmly and asked her if she was scared here. YES! I asked her if her teacher was a bit of a cranky pants. YES! I asked her if she had any fun before feeling sad. NO! I asked her if they sat on there chairs the whole time. YES! (OMG They are 4 ish. College students have a hard time sitting and being alert for 2 hours) I asked if they sang. NO! I asked if they did a craft. NO! I asked if they had to listen and repeat words the whole time. YES! I asked if she thought that she would like to come back and try again with mommy and Daddy in the room. NO! She really was so upset. I was in shock at what I had heard. What didn’t we witness? We waited till class was finished and we went in to gather her coat. I asked how it went. The teacher said she was lonesome and cried. Why didn’t they phone us? She said she told her to calm down and we’d return. Really? I am sure Mara was indeed lonesome as this was obviously not what we had signed up for. I asked when they did a craft. They didn’t. I asked when they sang. She said they did rather defensively. She said for the first 7 minutes they had singing. So I said, “Oh, so for 7 minutes out of two hours”. That is rather difficult for little children…. I said that this class is obviously not what we thought. We will not be subjecting her to this again. I was so upset and yet, I tried to keep my head about me. I felt like they broke my baby girl. 3 years of love and reassurance and she had come so far and I really felt it had been undone by this horrible situation. I know now that thankfully, after much discussion Mara-Grace will be ok. But she was absolutely exhausted that evening. We all were. It certainly took a lot out of her. I explained that we made a mistake and we thought the class was very different. We explained that we found another Chinese school that we will go with her etc… We tried to somehow reassure her that it just wasn’t the right one for her or us. Just not what we thought. My poor baby girl. When Kev said that we had witnessed what she said to that little boy, she wasn’t phased at all. It was just her way. How worrisome. I noticed one of the fathers whose son was also looked adopted kind of listening to us. I do hope that he gives some thought to what he is leaving his son in. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I feel so guilty for leaving her. No matter how I work this in my mind, I feel that I did the right thing removing her from this situation. I rework it and try to comprehend this, but I just cannot. In my opinion, we should not have been told this class was something it clearly wasn’t. It is inhuman to think little kids can sit and listen and repeat for 2 hours. And NEVER was it at all acceptable to say what was said repeatedly during that class. To no child, let alone some who have come to their families through adoption and have had to personally deal with separation etc. To be told she wouldn’t let them go home. I cannot wrap my head around her mindset. Incredible how it seemed appropriate to her. Anyway, that was our first experience with ‘school’. I pray that we can prepare Mara again, and the next experience will be one to treasure.

I had planned to come and stay with Mara-Grace and Hannah at my parent’s house this week. So, here we are! I am thankful that we are here to be a little help. My Gran had to be taken to the hospital and will be there about a week. I am happy to be here… I will drive home on Friday morning. I will post more about our week later.

Much love. xoxo